new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
