The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
