I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
