she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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