I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
