u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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