So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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