don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
