So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
