I want to walk on stilts...naked
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
