i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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