yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
how drunk are you?
Several
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
