I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
