mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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