WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
