remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
