do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And then he peed in my hair
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