I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
