I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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