there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
