The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I love having hate sex.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
