I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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