she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
