im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
