i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I want is dick and wine.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
