so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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