I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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