Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
