I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
