I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
