I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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