He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
