My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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