well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
