What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
