I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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