The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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