did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
