you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
