I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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