did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
