Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
