i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
