yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
