just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
