Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
