I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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