Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
