Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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