Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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