Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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