How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
