you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize