I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
