Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
