Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
