I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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