I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
