That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
