she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
